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View Full Version : You might be a hardcore MUTANT Bowhunter if....



Tenspot
March 28th, 2006, 02:25 PM
The archery problem thread made me conjure this up from the depths of my memory, a quick search of the hard drive turned it up. Some of you may recall it from a place long ago and far away......

Add to it if ya can...:wink: but ya better read tham all first!

Oops, got to shorten it into 3 post.....



You might be a hard-core bowhunter if……


1. You have more parts than bows laying around the workshop;

2. You have 47 dozen aluminum arrows in various sizes ... none of which are straight;

3. Your archery tacklebox is bigger than your car trunk;

4. Your family is used to the smell of doe pee and cow in heat lure;

5. You have more sets of camo than you do business suits;

6. You bathe more in hunting camp than you do at home;

7. The neighbors no longer call the cops to report a scream when you're practicing with your bugle before elk season;

8. You've got more McKenzie body parts laying around your yard than most pro shops have in stock;

9. Your bowhunting setup cost more than your first honeymoon;

10. Your kids and dog forget who you are during the hunting seasons;

11. You only spend 8 hours a day at work so you can spend 16 hours a day sitting in a stand on the weekend;

12. Your grandmother/grandfather/uncle/aunt/cousin/etc have each been buried more than once and you attended each funeral ... or at least the boss thinks so;

13. You've ever mixed up your pee bottle and your thermos in the dark (My Joe this coffee sure has a whang to it!);

14. You spend more than 3 hours a day reading threads on the Bowsite or edersbow!

15. Squirrels in your hunting area treat you like family.

16. Your regular street clothes are all shades of brown and green.

17. You're license plate is "BUKFVR", or "BUGLER".

18. A corner of your garage looks like a display for a museum entitled, "The History of Treestands."

19. You constantly estimate the range to everything

20. While watching tv that shows any game animal, you always look for the best angle and time to shoot.

21: If your neighbor's wife asks you to move your Mckenzies because her kids think they are real deer and they want you to stop killin em.

22: If you have eye-bolts screwed into the ceiling of the garage to hang deer on.

23: If you've got targets placed strategically throughout the house so you can shoot after dark, with walkways blocked by baby gates to prevent injury to your spouse and kids.

24: If you've got a tree stand mounted to your chimney for practice.

25. The people who take your order by phone at Cabelas ask how the wife and kids are doing.

26. You wander aimlessly through the hunting department of your local Wal-Mart during the offseason.

27. Your wife has told you that she refuses to wear any more of that funny smelling "perfume" thats comes in the little brown bottle.

28. ....You firmly anchor the mouthpiece of the phone to the same place at the corner of your mouth every time you use it.

29:If your water bill triple's during oct.& nov.

30. If your children have watched more hunting videos than Barney.

31. You've ever gotten road rash from sliding down the tree you're hugging;

32. The term "tree-hugger" to you means someone who bought a cheap deer stand;

33. You shave your arm more testing your broadheads than you shave your face using a razor;

34. You've ever used the words "Bubba, treestand, bigun and gutpile," in the same sentence;

35. You take out a third mortgage on your home so you join a deer lease;

36. Every right hand glove you own is missing 3 fingers.

37. For 4 months of the year your trunk looks like a search and rescue supply depot.

38. You have knee surgery on December 23 and you still go hunting on Christmas day.
this is great, keep it up.

39. You walk in the house before dark and your wife asks you what the he__ you are doing home.

40. Your kids don't realize they sell meat at grocery stores.

41. Your daughter thinks 'camo' is a color.

42. Your reindeer Christmas decorations have arrow holes in them.

43. You find ways to fit archery terms into your nickname.

44. You've got more than one arrow hole in the side of your shed/house/garage;

45. You've developed a taste for crackers with either vienna sausages, potted meat and/or Spam;

46. SPAM Mail is how your wife describes you after a weekend hunting trip;

47. You're more concerned about your feathers staying dry than catching pneumonia;

48. Your wife finds the equivalent to three rolls of toilet paper in bits and pieces in her washing machine after washing your hunting pants;

49. You own any item of clothing that carries a tag with a word ending in "TEX" written on it.

50. You can field dress a deer faster than you can change a baby;

CT Kevin - No. 25 hits closer to home than some mite think-ROTFL

50. You shoot your bow so much that your release breaks!

51. You say the word buck,elk,moose,bear,caribou, or turkey in every sentence.

52. You re driving and you spend more time checking the fields for deer that watching the road ahead.

53. You see a painting of woods and fields, and you analyze it for the best stand placement.

54. You read the word does in a sentence, and you automatically think of female whitetail deer.

55. You know the people on the TV weather channel by their first names.

56. Each one of your six kids takes a deer mount to school for show and tell.

57. You've ever given yourself a fat lip with a release;

58. You've said, "Awww, it don't hurt," after forgetting to put your armguard on;

59. You've ever tried to figure out some way to use your haul rope to lasso the arrow that just fell off your string to the ground;

60. You've ever almost had an "accident" in the woods in December because of too many clothes and not enough anatomy;

61. You've called in sick to work then gone hunting with a fever over 101;

62. You've memorized the Easton Arrow Shaft Selection Chart but cannot remember your own kids' birthdays because "you haven't got a head for numbers"

63. You've cleverly scheduled all your kids' birthdays to occur before or after hunting season;

64: All your tomato stakes have XX75 on them

65. When you return home from hunting trips and the wife comes to door saying, "Can I help you. Sir?"

66. When your voice-mail says, "Bows and Arrows are my game, when I return I'll get to you after the seasons end, just leave your phone number and name!"

67. When you get your Internet Bill from your server and it says, you've exceeded your unlimited hours of use by several hundred hours; therefore, you owe us.... above your subscribed $19.95 flat rate.

68. You deliberately lose your job every Oct-Dec so you can devote all your time to the woods and collect un-employment to pay your bills.

69. You have absolutely no problems with tossing a dead deer in the back of you wifes brand new SUV with no liner.

70. When your looking to buy a house you choose it by the type of archery range you can build in the back yard.

71. You own stock in Bowhunters Warehouse.

72. You plan your retirement in regards to the size of the deer in the area.

73. Every time you go to Walmart or Kmart you have to make a meritorious pass and review of the sporting goods section even though you don’t have any money.

74. You know the difference between a FMH and a SMH;

75. You've ever left more than $30.00 worth of arrows stuck in the top of a tree because you missed that stupid squirrel more than once.

76. You have a ball-point pin with fletches on it;

77. Your wife knows exactly which BowSite threads to check from work so she can check up on ya [Hon the carbs already on yer Blazer, The dogs has been bathed an the new shed has all your gardnin stuff in it]

78. Ya have to have two extra bedrooms to keep yer bows in

79. Ya will not consider buyin property unless it has first a clear lane of fire an second enough room for at least a 90 yard range

80. Ya need a basement to work on yer bows.

81.Ya have wind chimes all your house thet has XX75 printed on em

82. ya keep a TRUCK BOW rather than a truck gun

83. ya find yerself postin to threads with "might be a" in the title

84. When you take the kids to the zoo you're constantly judging the distances to all the animals and wishing you had brought your bow!

85 First thing you do when you wake up in the morning is check the wind.

86 When a mining company comes to you and want to buy the mineral right to your land and say they found a large aluminum deposit in your back yard.

87 when the cursor on your computer is a spinning arrow. Trail.

If......
88. You and your wife get ready fer a little huggin an kissin after the kids are in bed, an you start rubbin yer head against the bedpost and start pawin at the floor.

89. You've ever felt a pile of droppings to see how warm they are;

90. You've ever bailed out of a treestand during a thunderstorm because the hair on your neck stood up;

91. You've ever had to have stitches in your butt because you sat on a broadhead; (Dr.'s and nurses seem to think this is exceptional funny)

92. You've ever had to walk three miles out of a swamp because your huntin buddy said, "Aw thet hole ain't that bad. I drove thru thar yestidy," and he doesn't bother to mention it was on a John Deere;

93. You've ever tried to sneak across a pasture before daylight, only to slip and bust your butt in a fresh steaming cow pie (instant cover scent);

94. ...your three children are named Mathews, Browning, and Hoyt.

95. ...you get goosebumps when Jackie Bushman says, "I'm gonna go get the four wheel 'ah."

96. ...you bought a new VCR with 4 heads so your freeze frame will not get the fuzzies.

97. ...you have your license tattooed on your buttox.

98. ...the local taxidermist calls you for advice.

99. ...your first rack is bleach white and hangs on a rusty shed.

100. ...you've read through a hundred of these jokes.

101 If you keep extra rolls of carpet around to put in the camper instead of trying to wash the blood out.

102 You have to get cash advances causing your credit cards to become maxed out (for several months) in order to receive your bonus points on the various state big game hunting drawings.

103 You watch BAMBI with your kids and think his father was a 150 class buck and would be proud to have shot him.

104 Your wife notices your eyes glaze over when you see deer in the middle of summer.

105 The local pro shop expects to see your wife for a $300 dollar sale at Christmas.

106 You have one drawer of clothes and three closets full of camo.

107 You don't know your wife's measurements, her clothes size, your kids clothes sizes, birthdates, ages, anniversary dates, important phone numbers, or any other assorted numbers-related things in life....but you do know the Pope and Young score IN DETAIL of that buck hanging on the wall.

108 Your wife notices that your smile in the photo with the buck you shot is bigger than the one in the family photo.

109 You covered your bow with the last piece of plastic and was soaked standing in the rain.

110 Every single item on your Christmas list pertained to archery.

111 People often hear you whispering to yourself "pick a spot" while walking through the zoo.

112 The magazine rack next to the toilet is full of archery magazines.

113 When opening the Internet it goes directly to "The Bowsite"

114 Camouflage is your "regular clothes" and everything else is just "stuff".

115 You own more than one pair of camo underwear.(I SWEAR the first six pair were bought as GAG gifts by family members)

116 You have ever convinced someone to let you euthanize a sick animal with a bow, so you could check out broadhead performance.

117 Your wife and kids use the terms "140-class" etc.,instead of BIG DEER!

118 Your four year old has ever asked his mother "Momma, is daddy ever gonna come home again?"

119 You've ever taken a picture of your kids/family off the wall to hang a new trophy, then had an argument with your wife over it and WON !

120: You hit a deer in your car, get out and can't find it.
Then your wife says: A. You injured another deer and you can't find it ? (after you lost a big buck the week before, in rifle season hunting with a bow.) B. What was the distance at when you first saw it ? C. What class was he ? D. I supposed the car is totaled, so you'll be buying that new truck ?
My lovely wife comes from a long line of road hunting enthusiasts.
True answers. A. Yes. B. 5 yards. Sneaky *******, C. 120. D. Yes. Got a new truck 3 days later.

121 When you are talking to anybody and they mention they have a relative in Illinois, and immediately start asking them if they have access to large expanses of farmland.

122 When that same person says what town they live in and you can actually name the county they are from because you have the Pope and Young book memorized.

123 (I work in a hospital) When you check every patients address that comes through your clinic to see if they live in a prospective good hunting area, and then you start probing them for specifics on if they own land or not.(I gotta stop doing that)

124 When your girlfriend buys you a pair of brush pants for Valentines Day because she's getting sick of seeing your good jeans ripped up after a long day of looking for shed antlers.

125 If you buy your cover sent at the supermarket

126 If you spend more time in a tree than the guys that cut them for a living

127 If you have ever returned home from a hunt only to find your picture on the milk carton

128 If you have ever wandered if your mother-in-law will respond to a grunt call.

129 if you can buy your wife a new car each year from the proceeds you receive from the salvage check on your bent arrows.

130. You've ever been nose to nose with the World's Largest Western Diamonback while putting the sneak on a bedded antelope buck;

131. You've ever used a climbing stand to climb a black locust tree;

Tenspot
March 28th, 2006, 02:26 PM
132. You've ever been bent over sneaking up on a javelina and backed into a jumpin cholla and finished the stalk and made the shot BEFORE saying "SH** That Hurt!";

133. You've ever tried to make a shot hanging by your knees off the rungs of your ladder stand;

134. You sharpen your own broadheads and have the scars to prove it;

135. You've ever judo'd an squirrel only to turn around and see a 150 class buck standing there looking at you;

136. You've ever had to chase an armadillo down to get your arrow back;

137. You've ever put 8 arrows into a big boar even though you only carry six (gettin back to shoot again can be real interestin!);

138. You've ever shot a blunt at a paper cup on your way back to the truck and don't find your arrow until you get to the truck's left headlight;

139. If your lifes dream is to propel a wooden stick at a cape buffalo whose only desire at that time is to stomp you into the ground.

140 You live in the city and have no place to shoot your bow daily but removed the hind legs off your Mckenzie and are happy to shoot 8 yards in your basement and don't care that your wash tubs are full of holes.

141 -you feel sorry for road kill, for you know the critter would have died a better death form you arrow

142-your wife has never seen ground beef in your house

143-you celebrate the arrival of Cabela's annual catalogs like you won the lotto!

144 You call Bowhunters Discount Warehouse and they ask you if you'll have the "usual";

145 You know that deer and elk can laugh;

146 Your shooting lanes look like a miniature clear-cut;

147 You've got more treestands than there are trees in the local area;

148 You can con your wife into doing the cutting and wrapping on a moose;

149 You save all the cutoff ends from sizing your arrows so you can make pens with fletches;

150 You know that "fistmele" has nothing to do with a knuckle sandwich;

151 You've ever been windburned, frozen and sunburned all on the same day;

152 You know the other use of spanish moss and have the chigger bites on your butt to prove it;

153 You've ever broken a $50.00 knife trying to dig a $3.00 broadhead out of a tree;

154 You know the best way to carry a deer out of the woods is to talk somebody else into doing it ("Sorry Joe, but my back hurts real bad!);

155 You never hunt hogs with someone you can't outrun;

156 You still look forward to every opportunity to get in the woods, and vow to spend more time hunting next season when you haven't taken a shot in two seasons!
Sad, but unfortunately true! First year I passed up the only two good shots I got, didn't want to end season first day on a 6 point or a doe. Bought a doe tag in addition to buck tag for second year, never got a shot!

157 you printed this 33 page thread to take home to your wife so she will know that there are other sick degenerate bowhunters that have got it as bad or worse. Tom

158). You disagree feverishly after readin' one of Bill McNeals posts 'causin' you visualize him wearing a kilt with wet depends on !! :o)

159). Make employment decisions based on whether you can get vacation time in the fall !

160). Can turn any vehicle ever produced into a perfectly good DEERFORCE 1 !

161). You judge every purchase your wife makes by how many dozen arrows you could have bought !

162). Your bow is worth more than the car you drive !

163). You spend more on doe pee per year, then on flowers !

164). You start postin' your thoughts on the stickbow !

165). Make employment decisions based on whether you can get vacation time in the fall !

166). Can turn any vehicle ever produced into a perfectly good DEERFORCE 1 !

167). You judge every purchase your wife makes by how many dozen arrows you could have bought !

168). Your bow is worth more than the car you drive !

169). You spend more on doe pee per year, then on flowers !

170). You start postin' your thoughts on the stickbow !

171). you can copy and paste, fixing your post faster than TennBow can climb a tree !

172 You have removed most of the spices from your wifes cupboard to see how deer will react to them.

173 You feel the need to pay your wife back for putting up with you all hunting season. So you book a weekend valentines package at a nice hotel. Of course the building next to the hotel has a deer and turkey show going on the same weekend !!

174 You can't stand cleaning dog poop up out of the yard; but have ever picked up deer poop and squished it between your fingers to check for freshness!!

175 When people at work offer to drive at lunch because your truck smells like Jackie's #4.

176...you've shot at least two holes into your neighbor's truck cap. :)<-<

177 When you modify every new piece of equipment you buy, even if it's just a little. My wife just loves it when I do this. Every once in a while I happen to wreck something when I am modifying it.

178 When your 18-month old daughter can say deer, elk, moose, bear, sheep, duck, antler, gun and bow with surprising clarity and actually know what they mean!

179 When you hate to drive just 12 minutes into town to get a few groceries for your wife, but you think nothing at all of driving 60 miles (one way) to check out a potential new good hunting spot.

180 When you have lost several perfectly good $6 arrows trying to hone your "instinctive shooting skills" in the dark, with only a very small light illuminating the target.

181 When one of your ice chests is riddled with holes after being used as a platform to set your target on while sighting your new bow in.

182 When you put your baby girl in the backpack and then on your back, then hop on the 4-wheeler to go get momma's deer out of the woods.

183 When your fingertips look like a well-used cutting board from testing out the sharpness of your broadheads.

184 if you lift weights to draw more weight.

185 you go stump shooting and bend $50 worth of arrows but gripe at your wife for spending $15 on her nails.

186 You buy a good camo coat every other year you only wear 2 months out of the year, but that suit you bought 12 years ago will do "for one more year".

187 You spent more on your camo coat than you did your business suit.

188 Your inlaws plan Thanksgiving dinner an hour later than they wanted to accommodate your hunting and you still show up late.

189 You can't sit at your desk for more than an hour, but you can sit in a tree stand for 4 hours straight.

190 You don't want to take the trash out because it is too cold, but you will go hunting when it is 10 below.

191 You are the only one at work that gets excited when a storm front is approaching on Saturday morning.

192 If you met your wife through a personal add in Bowhunter magazine .

193 If your bow gets more attention than the lawnmower

194 If you have convinced your wife that it was not a fart ,and that you were just practicing your grunt call.
Jires just did that took my girlfriend away for Valentines day 230 miles from home to the outdoor show in Harrisburg,PA , 3rd year in a row! The hotel was real nice.

195 You've lost more than one A/C/C in the yard trying to get that sneaky rabbit.

196 You think Animal Control is a judo tipped easton

197 You're driving to elk camp the night before the opener (late of course) and you notice a Cadillac off the side of the road in a ditch on a gravel road. About a hundred yards further on, you notice a good looking blonde walking along the side of the road toward the nearest settlement (Stoneman Lake). You stop and give her a ride and when you get to her place she smiles sexily and invites you in for a drink but you decline because you've got to get up in 4 hours to hunt elk. That's true and THAT is HARD CORE!

198 if 70#@29"w/425gr@263fps means anything at all to you (or can even read for that matter).

199 If you can associate yourself with this thread in general. This has to be the best one yet guys. I love it and I am still laughing (relating) to these.

200 You're in a pretty good fender bender causing about 2 grand in damage to your car, but the first thing you check is that the six pointer in the back of your car didn't sustain any rack damage. Halloween 96 what a great day.

201 You have an empty bottle just for capturing and sealing passed gas while on stand.

Now, THERE'S a funny mental image XMan!

201 If you took up SCUBA just so you could spearfish when deer season is closed.

202 your 6 year old can score bucks to within a inch but can't do multiplication

203 you have ever rescheduled your anniversary around the rut you haven't seen a thanksgiving dinner in 20 years

204 You know the difference between a yankee zoo and a zoo in the south.
yankee zoo has name of animal and then latin name of animal
southern- name of animal and recipe!

205 you forget your pee jug and a good buck chooses the very spot below your tree where you have gone too walk,he spooks and you don't get a shot

206 you've ever slept in a hollow log.

207 - You impregnate your wife strategically so not to have kids during hunting season

208 -You get married during hunting off-season, that way you know a few of your friendmight actually show

209 -you gross score any mounted critter you see for P&Y

210 You convince your wife that roadkill is not that bad if cooked right.

211 You jump out of bed during sex to see if the 8-point came back.

212 You've managed to blow shots at game in almost every state from Florida to Alaska;

213 You've ever wondered how to get real skunk scent off of an arrow;

214 You've ever been sitting on the portapotti in the "outhouse tent" and had to share the tent with a curious skunk;

215 You've ever assassinated the squirrel that started chattering as soon as that buck appeared you'd been waiting for;

216 You know what a "come-along" is;

217 You've ever tried to push start a jeep in gumbo mud;

218 You carry an Allen wrench set in your pocket at 3D tournaments and offer to hold the bows while your hunting partner, who normally kicks your butt shooting, pulls the arrows;

219 Your daypack weighs more than 15 pounds from all the gear you "might" need in the field;

220 You carry more than three knives and a sharpener into the field hunting;

221 You've ever used climbing spurs and have the scars to prove it;

222 Your haul rope is over 50' long and strong enough to lift a large bull moose;

223 You've ever had to carry an extra pack of toilet paper after eating your hunting partner's version of green hash the night before;

224 You know that one of the essential elements of a survival kit in hunting camp is Alka-Seltzer;

225 You use more than two dozen bandaids on a single camping trip;

226 You've ever sat in a tree from dawn till dark, watched the sunrise and sunset, marveled at the beauty and complexity of nature and gave thanks for a perfect day, even though you never even nocked an arrow.

227 When people ask your wife what you do for a living she tells them "he's a bowhunter"

228 If you've ever found a roadkill deer on the way home from work; but it was 3:00AM (You work second shift) and there was no one around to help you load it in your truck. You try to get it into your truck for half an hour to no avail; its too heavy. You try to cut off its horns to no avail; Forgot to carry a saw. So you speed home and wake up your wife in the middle of the night and then speed back to the scene before someone else claims the prize; and then your disgruntled wife helps you load the deer. That would be HARD CORE !! (P.S.; It tasted great!!)

229 If you are a cop and carry a stack of road kill permits at all times for situations such as the one mentioned above!! HARD CORE!!

230 Your 5yr. old son won't use the bathroom (#2), without a bowhunting magazine.

231 If you severely need new clothes in your wardrobe; but instead of going to the mall to buy new clothes; you go clothes shopping at the Deer & Turkey Expo ;;; MAN- I GOT IT BAAAADDD!!!!!!!

232 You’ve proven that broken bone cast aren’t as tuff as they claim when they don’t even hold up to a single bow outing.

233 You’ve forgotten a drag rope and used the laces out of your boots.

234 If you hear the words deer or bowhunting and your ears purk up like Lassies!

235 When doing the bills and you need a category for Archery.

236 You only remember your daughters Birthday because she was born on a 3-D Tournament day (and couldn’t go)

237 You grab a shirt out of the closet for hunting stuff and while driving down the road find that the hard lump in the pocket is a box of bright eyes. The soft lump in the other pocket is cut up strips of paper towel.

238 Most of the shirts, jackets, etc. in your hunting closet contain plastic bags.

239 When you go to a wedding reception and you walk around to all the tables picking up the empty 35mm film canisters to use for you Buck Lure next year

240 U go to work and can't pickup a pen or a hammer cauz your tendionidus is so bad and U get home and spend 2hrs a night shooting your bow so U can climb 20ft up a tree and hunt for 10hrs on both a Sat and Sun.

241 If your wife is in the mood for love, but you stayed up late reading bow hunting threads and have to get up early to go bow hunting. So you talk your way out of it.

242 If you wife refers to "the act" as bare shaft tuning.

243 If your wife finds pieces of her sowing machine, on your new arrow crester that you built with plans off the BowSite.

244 If your wife hides her blender on you because you got this idea about making a new arrow cuttoff saw.

Tenspot
March 28th, 2006, 02:27 PM
245 When your son can bugle like an elk before he can talk.

246 If your wife has gotten used to being short of bed sheets since you keep making game bags out of them.

247 Since your recent move into a new house, you are more upset that the movers lost your insulated coveralls and raingear than you are about the missing TV.

248 You seriously consider a home improvement project to create more wall space for future mounts.

249 You open a new bottle of Doe-In-Heat, take a whiff and say" Mmmmmmmm, that smells good"

250 You get pulled over for drunk driving when all your doing is looking for deer #? You tell you wife-to-be that the Sept thru Jan. are terrible months for a wedding

251. All your friends know that if they get married in the month of October or November, you Won't be there.

252. when you are using your feather burner IN the house, and your wife simply asks if you remembered to make arrows for your daughter...
253. sniff, sniff....Ahhhhh!

254. Your girlfriend threatens to leave you "if you don't get that goddam goat head outta the freezer by tomorrow morning at the ABSOLUTE latest!";

255. You have recurring nightmares about NOT nailing the Elk as it presents the broadside shot;

256. You're scared sh**less of heights, yet you eagerly entertain the thought of sitting way up in some tree on the off-chance of an "off-chance" shot;

257. Your mother doesn't bother calling on weekends anymore;

258. You only appreciate pork that comes complete with high-poundage fixed-blade tenderization treatment, apple sauce and peppered gravy;

259. Your future mother-in-law is no longer horrified at the blood-stains and photos of miscellaneous bow-kills;

260. You're contemplating thousands of dollars debt to travel to the other side of the world to get amongst some different species;

261. You've received more than five "We've Missed You" dead customer letters from your local butcher shop;

262. You're planning the purchase of your next two bows at least six months before you've paid for your last three acquisitions;

263. Your most pressing decision for the week is whether or not to get the one-piece bow quiver as opposed to the two-piece version;

264. Your hunting buddies give you a hard time for rubbing "you know what" up and down your arms and legs in an attempt to "hide your scent";

265. You're simply unable to throw out all those bent arrows and wrecked broadheads because they are more sacred to you than Mohamed is to the Muslims;

266. Not being able to bowhunt each weekend makes you feel more isolated than Salman Rushdie in his prime (Eekk!!!);

267. It kills you to get up at 6:00 to go to work but you pop out of bed at 3:30 to go hunt.

268. You know the date of bow season but can't remember your anniversary.

269. wife?????? kids???????? oh yea.....

270. Your scared of heights, but, have no problem hanging on a tree 20' up with one arm trying to hang a stand with the other.

271. You go to a 3D shoot on Valentine's day and just leave flowers on the table

272. You compare the insides of your wife during a C section to deliver your baby to a gutpile. Been there, done that, regret the comment for the rest of my life.

273. Your buddies ask you how is it hanging and you say there not there draggin.

274. You go thru the drive-thru at a fast food joint and you're 3 year old child yells out at the intercom that he wants a super-sized order of backstraps.

275. Are legally blind but can hit a quarter at 40 yds

276. You have your kids put a 3-d target in the back of your 78 ford, and drive really slow. This allows you to practice on moving shots.

277. You have tree steps in all your tool boxes.

278. You show up before dark and your wife asks "How big is it"?

279. We know we are hard core bowhunters, when we can not number these things in order!

280. You have looked at Bill Jordan/ Will Primos/ ect... more than anyone else lately.

281. You have seen more hunting videos than you've seen videos with your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend!

282. You have had more bows in your life than toothbrushes.

283. You paint your car different colors of green, brown, gray, and black.

284. After about a month of bow season the lady next door asks your wife if she is separated.

285. As you drive down the road, you picture 10 rings on all the horses and cows.

286. Buy dental floss for your bow but not your teeth.

287. While driving, you spend so much time lookin through the fields for deer, you don't see the deer in the road! At least I stopped BEFORE I hit it!!

288. When you take family vacations in the car and your wife has to drive at dusk and dawn so that I... er you can search the ditches and fields for deer.

289. . You disagree feverishly after readin' one of Bill McNeals posts 'causin' you visualize him wearing a kilt with wet depends on !! :o)

290. the game warden knows you on a first name basis

291. 59)You have used a metal detector to find lost arrows

292. 60)You use all your vacation days in November.

293. Your house is on fire and your torn between your bow, your mounts, and your wildlife art on the first trip out.

294. Your wife uses Sport Wash sometimes when she's not out of Tide. hd

295. If your family eats dinner without ya during oct&nov 30:If your kids were afraid to have Santa land his sled on your roof

296. You've ever had to explain to your wife or mother how the hole got in the bedspread hanging on the clothes line;
297. You've ever had to outrun an animal you've shot;

298. If you ever tried to hang a tree stand in your christmas tree

299. If you call your wife dear instead of honey

300. If you ever bought your wife tink's #69 instead of channel #5

301. If you have ever tried to score the racks on santa's deer

302. If you named your kids Fred, Matthew, Hoyt, or Martin

303. If you ever shot at the deer in your neighbor's christmas display

304. If ya have named yer vehicle somthin like "DoeForce 1"

305. If yer job interferes with tryin to book hog hunters

306. If yer primary concern bout landscapin is how it will look to the quail as opposed to how it will look to your wife

307. If ya own a PSE bow

308. If ya own a mathews an lay awake nights hoping ya can still buy a PSE

309. If ya'v ever snuck into work early so ya can hide yer camos before the boss gets in [less travel time when ya start complain bout the flu thet just hit ya 10 minutes after the boss arrives]

310. If the "wall paper" on yer computer is not only a hunting scene but has "BowSite" printed within it

311. If ya get more long distance calls then ya do local ones primarily from other bowhunters

312. If your long distance bill looks like a United States Bowhunter phone directory

Tenspot
March 28th, 2006, 02:28 PM
313. If ya keep a "Will stop" target in yer livin room fer commercial breaks

314. If ya'v ever convinced yer soon to be wife thet an ELK hunt/Honeymoon is a great idea

315. If ya lose every argument with yer wife after said Elk hunt/honeymoon as soon as she pulls out the photo album containin the medical records fer afore mentioned festivity

316. If the glovebox of yer truck contains several packages of Broadheads, an allen wrench set, a shooting tab as well as a glove as well as a spare release, a tube of melted string wax, extra RS-Glo sight pins other spare bow parts... but yet ya can't find the registration when the officer asks for it cause its in the ashtray where it won't get string wax on it

317. If ya stapled yer wifes car awning together so it would not waste time carefully stitchin together target covers

318. If you keep your rattling horns in the cab of your truck year round.

319. If your children ask you not to hunt Santas Rein Deer during the holidays..

320. If you and your wife get argue over wall paper for the bathroom. She wants flowers, you want Mossy Oak.

321. If every time its your turn to change your new baby girls diaper you also change her out of the pink baby out fit and put her in the Mossy Oak one.

322. If you don’t own a computer and deliberately sneak out of the house to surf the BowSite on the computer at work..

323. MAN, THIS IS SCARY.....!!!!
324. I DO estimate ranges...I DO pick shooting angles on cats and dogs in the neighborhood......and yes, I DID say something about gut pile during a C Section....
325. I Need professional help!! Or a two week float trip to Alaska...one or the other...

326. Laughed and groaned reading these, hit real close to home...

327. If, your Mother In Law refuses to ride while you're driving because you point at distant specks and yell," Deer".

328. If you've ever had to dig a BH out of Knotty Pine paneling in someone's family room.

329. If your kids as toddlers learned real quick to count to 9 because the Big'un over the mantle has 9 points. But they count,G-1,G-2.....

330. If you're called to school for a conference with the principal because your well behaved 12 yr old daughter called her ARA science teacher a "Damfool", and then so did you.

331. If your kids think Bluegill filets are what is served in heaven for breakfast, and butterfly chops for dinner...

332. If you've ever gone to the ER to get a Zwickey 2 blade sized gash in your left palm stitched up.
333. BTW,ALl of this HAS happened.....

334. ...If you ever picked your teeth with a broadhead.

335. If I could get my taxidermy payments/fees below my monthly mortgage I could buy more arrows and gear.

336. When your two year old knows most of the big game mammals by name before she can count or say the ABCs because of the trophies on the living room wall.

337. When your boss looks at your sick leave record and notices that year end and year out you are always sick on opening turkey season, archery deer season and for the whole second week of November.

338. When your boss has to come and get you out of the bathroom stall because you have lost track of time from reading Bowhunter magazine. You have regular bathing habits through the months of September, October and November.

339. You convince yourself that having girls for kids is a plus because they can keep the old lady company while you are out in the woods

340. You are always suggesting family vacation spots in the Rocky Mountains, Canada or Alaska during the Sept - Nov timeframe.

341. Trick or treaters walk in the front door look at the walls and ask if you are a taxidermist.

342. When the neighbors call the police for disturbing the peace because you are out shooting your bow in the driveway at 11:00 PM

343. When your non-hunting, "city girl" wife comes home hysterically explaining that she saw a big buck on the side of the road coming home from grocery shopping.

344. When your non-hunting co-workers question whether teaching a two year old how to shoot a bow and your four year old how to shoot a .22 is a safe thing to do

345. When you name your kids after your favorite elk hunting mountain range (Madison, after the Madison Range in MT) and indian tribe (Cheyenne).

346. You spend more per year for camo clothing then you do for work or normal clothes.

347. You try to convince your non-hunting friend that MREs (Meals ready to Eat) are tasty, nutritional and convenient.

348. You look for job opportunities not because of promotional reasons but because they are near good hunting spots.

349. If you'd rather pay $500 for a bare bow than $200 for a new rifle with sights.

350. you keep trying to plan family vacations combined with hunting trips.

351. you spend more time watching the sides of the road then the lane your driving on.

352. the bed time stories you tell the kids involve you drawing a imaginary bow at some point.

353. If you have your own tray in the refrigerator for scents and lures

354. Your wife buys all your socks and underwear at the bow shop

355. If your wife doesn’t ware white or brown PJ's to bed during hunting season

356. You chance the consequences of cheap (possibly dangerous) religious gags in order to prove a point about your bowhunting passion....

THE END

Tenspot
March 28th, 2006, 02:29 PM
You might be a hardcore mutant bowhunter if........

You have ever personally experienced AT's 15000 word per post limit....:wink:

RoccoB
March 28th, 2006, 02:59 PM
Lmao

bobclem
March 28th, 2006, 03:12 PM
if you actually took the time to read all that!

good one!:wink:

Benado
March 28th, 2006, 03:40 PM
I read every one of those! Pretty funny...but only 'cause it's true.










The only Benado that killed an hour at work finding out I'm a hard-core bowhunter.

Tenspot
March 28th, 2006, 03:55 PM
The only Benado that killed an hour at work finding out I'm a hard-core bowhunter.


Excellent Benadoism, and a great value added at work!

Milsurp
March 28th, 2006, 05:05 PM
I must be hopelessly obsessed- I read the entire thing.
:darkbeer:

Great stuff!

IGluIt4U
March 28th, 2006, 10:36 PM
Oh man.. .lets see how many?? about 300 reasons?? I think I qualify on at least 225 of em!!!! :lol: :eek:

:ROFLMAO:

Raider2000
March 28th, 2006, 11:02 PM
That is me to a T.

Just do'nt let Becky find out, she thinks that all this is normal of all men....:wink:

Tenspot
March 29th, 2006, 11:12 AM
That is me to a T.

Just do'nt let Becky find out, she thinks that all this is normal of all men....:wink:


Normal is relative right R2??:wink:

knarrly
March 29th, 2006, 12:32 PM
13. You've ever mixed up your pee bottle and your thermos in the dark (My Joe this coffee sure has a whang to it!);


88. You and your wife get ready fer a little huggin an kissin after the kids are in bed, an you start rubbin yer head against the bedpost and start pawin at the floor.


Great way to spend a hour this morning, had tears in my eyes for some of them but......

13. Hasn't happened and that is just WRONG.

88. It might be time to get just a bit of HELP.:D

JUMPMAN
March 29th, 2006, 12:36 PM
Or if your Tenspot making a post like that in Mutantville....:D

Tenspot
March 29th, 2006, 01:35 PM
Or if your Tenspot making a post like that in Mutantville....:D

A man's gots to do what a man's gots to do right?:wink: THat list ran many pages and good people many moons agoa on another forum, a good review now and then.

IGluIt4U
March 29th, 2006, 01:39 PM
A man's gots to do what a man's gots to do right?:wink: THat list ran many pages and good people many moons agoa on another forum, a good review now and then.
indeed it was a great list... even if ya hijacked it from the competition...:wink: :lol:

Tenspot
March 29th, 2006, 01:41 PM
indeed it was a great list... even if ya hijacked it from the competition...:wink: :lol:


THere was maybe 40 of us that contributed to it over about a month. It took me about a dang month to cut all the post out of it.!!:wink:

Matq2gs
March 29th, 2006, 03:46 PM
If you walk through the zoo pretending you have a bow and arrow.