[doctariAFC]

So i have a 3.5 mth old and just thinking about all this stuff now.

I was spanked with hand/belt/wooden spoon
Wife was spanked as well

So im of a mind to incorporate some of that in my parenting style (when necessary)

So anyone else out there have any opinions on this and why i should/shouldnt?

I am fully supportive of spanking. It is the most effective way of disciplining a young child who doesn't understand the meanings of words, but sure does understand if I do something wrong, my backside is gonna hurt so bad I cannot sit down.

Over time, the need for spanking disappears, but the lessons taught through spaking remain, much to the benefit of your child, as a firm understanding of consequences has been successfully taught!

 

[doctariAFC]

I have 2 and I do support spanking for a lot of the reasons above. The child will remember I did that and my bottom hurt after that I don't need to do that again.
Much like if you have an issue with a report at work, and you say don't give the person a raise, they remeber because it hurt them.

I was spanked with a belt I had more wooden spoons broken over my rear end and for whatever reason i can remember each one and I am 33 years old.
BTW don't ever laugh if with the 1st lick your mom breasks the spoon, doesn't work in your favor. :wink:

There are a couple of things that i live by though and they may seem a little different but here they are

1. Never spank when you are mad i don't think that it really sends the point as well as when you are calm and steady

2. Always let the child know why they are getting the spanking (this really goes for effect to because half of the punishment is the anticipation of the actual spanking) on the serious side once they get to an age where they can understand reason, explain it to them make them respond that they understand either before or after, it doesn't matter but I always make sure they they know why they got what they got, some things are obvious and should not need explanation but i do anyway

3. I always use my hand so that i can feel it as well and make sure that i am really not going to hurt them without hurting myself

4. Don't spank for everything i use this for certain items, talking back, disrespecting adults, not minding at first etc.

Again this is just my .02 cents but that is how we do it in our house. Mine are 9 and 6 and I may have to give them a pop once every 3 or 4 months if that, at first i felt like i was pounding them all the time, but as someone else said at first you will have to do it more.

Great points and excellent advise. Yes, spanking is not for every offense, but for major ones. I too recall that the threat of a whoopin' (after I had received a few) would do the trick and make me behave. The worst was the "spanking stick", which was a U of M frat paddle my Dad had from his college days. Used to hang on the wall on the 2nd floor. My little sister and I were deathly scared of that thing, wouldn't even touch it. Only got cracked by that thing maybe twice, but that was more than enough. When the "...or I'll go get the spanking stick" threat came out, a sound wouldn't even be made.

I also recall our (lil sister and I) devious side, when we both wanted to do something that we both knew would land us a date with the spanking stick, so we decided to hide the evil board before we did our mischief. Well, when it got to grabbing the stick off the wall, sister and me just looked at each other, scared to touch it, and then collectively decided that if we thought we needed to hide the spanking stick, the thing we wanted to do was probably not the right choice in the first place. I think I was 6 or 7 at that time.

 

[doctariAFC]

or the

"that didnt hurt"

man i made that mistake ONLY ONE TIME.

HAHAHAHAHA.... ME TOO!

So I got a whoopin like I never had ever. I did deserve it. And Dad was the one who whooped me. They had just spent a small fortune on the upstairs bathroom remodeling, finally done and was beautiful. Workers left we enjoyed it for a day. This was summer time, and my cousin was outside doing something in the driveway, and was a perfect target for a water balloon from on high Direct hit! His response was to grab the garden hose and return fire, with me in the newly remodeled bathroom.... Well, add new wallpaper to the bill, Daddio.

Yes, I argued my case, as I was not the one who used the hose. But I was the one who fired the first shot! And he gave me a crack on the bippy. "That didn't hurt!" was my ill-advised reply. So, he decided if wallpaper must be purchased, new drywall should also go on the bill. Put me through two walls.... Yes, I did deserve it. And at that point I learned the high cost for remodeling... not in money, but in pain..... Good lesson. Never had a water war in the house ever again.

 

[doctariAFC]

mom and dad put new screen door on back door (aluminum really isnt that durable)

my brothers and i got into a fight over nothing (typical) i got locked out of the house via the "brand new" screen door.

Amazing how ones foot goes right through door if sufficient force is applied (basically blew out a seam in the decorative panel)

I ripped the hole open and laid a whoopin on my brother.

My mom got home from shopping, she took the spoon to me one time,

"that didnt hurt"

Then she used the spoon till it cracked.

and o man did that hurt.

Funny how destroying household objects earns some of the most memorable whoopin's, eh? Got a whoopin' for every lamp, table, door, and room I would damage.... Like the bedroom, for instance. Dad remodeled (again) the attic and it became my domain.... He installed tongue and groove pine panelling on a couple walls. Very nice.... for holding throwing stars And it was more convenient on rainy days to chuck the stars at a paper target taped to the new tongue and groove, versus heading out and inflicting damage on the garage (did plenty of that, too)....

My dreams of becoming a Ninja went up in smoke...... :chortle:

Looking back, I am really surprised that I survived to graduate High School!!

 

[doctariAFC]

Yes, big difference between spanking and beating. But spanking is definitely effective, as is evidenced by the many thousands of years of success in behavioral corrections when done properly.

Sadly, some have been successful in pushing the "intellectualizing" of child raising, which sounds great, seems enlightened, and IGNORES a very poignant reality about humans. We learn everything, and operate very little on instinct. I believe many in the more intellectual vein have forgotten that intellectualizing can only happen after one has developed their intellect. Children do not fall into that realm, do they?

Every child born into this world is born ignorant, and selfish. Selfishness is actually one of the few instincts we have, and when allowed to be embraced by the child, bad things result. Lack of respect, lack of discipline, lack of work ethic, lack of responsiobility. THese elements are what need to be taught, and reinforced for the child's best chance at a good future.

When a child is young, say from age 2 to age 9 or 10, reasoning will not work. Certainly, the older a child gets it is not without reason to believe that their own sense of reasoning and right and wrong will form. But if left without guidance and governance from the parents, this will not form properly. Remember, when we are born, we do not have a concept of limits, what is acceptable, what must be done. When one has no understanding of this, a parent has two choices. Either attempt to reason (which, with a lack of reasoning development, is as effective as pushing water uphill with a slotted spoon), or use the basic element every creature understands - fear.

For if one fears the consequences of electing to engage in bad behavior, that healthy fear of the consequences, once known, acts as a deterrent, or at least causes pause for thought before the act is done, or decided against.

I agree that spankings should not be done out of anger, although that is easier said than done. When it comes to children and dealing with discipline issues, it is best to remove all emotion from the equation, including anger and disappointment. This sounds like an easier said than done thing, but, when logic is applied, and the efforts of parenting are to raise your child be have the best chance of success when they grow to be adults, it becomes what is best for the child, regardless of how you feel about it, or how their actions made you feel. Feelings have nothing to do with it, beyond the love and caring to see the child through to successful adulthood, and that takes many years, commitment and consistency so that rules today are constant with same rules for tomorrow (in terms of right and wrong).

But a physical response which leaves a bit of pain and lots of lasting awareness is oftentimes the only effective means of getting the point across. Just like touching a hot stove drives home the fact that very hot can hurt you, so stay away from very hot, so too does spanking drive home the consequence for disobedience and destructive behavior.

We have not changed as a species, folks. We have advanced our technological know how, but in terms of the basics of human nature, it hasn't changed one iota.

 

[doctariAFC]

Nothing worthwhile is easy I think the rewards are worthwhile though.

-Andrew

Ain't that the truth!!

A wise man once said, the only reward for doing something easy, is that it was easy.